Hello!
There are seasons when self-introspection feels effortless — reflection flows, clarity arrives, and insight feels close at hand. And then there are seasons when you don't know where to begin.
This reflection is for those quieter moments.
Befriending Your Anxiety: A New Approach
What if anxiety isn't the enemy? Learn how shifting from resistance to curiosity can transform your relationship with anxious feelings.
For most of us, anxiety is something to be managed, reduced, or eliminated. We take deep breaths to calm it. We distract ourselves from it. We do everything possible to make it go away.
But what if that adversarial relationship with anxiety is part of the problem?
Anxiety as Messenger
Anxiety, at its core, is a signal. It's your nervous system communicating that something needs attention. The signal itself isn't the problem. The problem is what we do with it.
"Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." — Soren Kierkegaard
The Befriending Practice
Befriending anxiety doesn't mean enjoying it. It means meeting it with curiosity rather than hostility.
Step 1: Notice Without Judging
When anxiety arises, simply name it. "I notice anxiety." Don't add commentary.
Step 2: Locate It in Your Body
Where do you feel it? Chest tightness? Stomach knots? Moving attention from the story in your mind to the sensation in your body shifts you from reactivity to awareness.
Step 3: Get Curious
Ask the anxiety: "What are you protecting me from?" Often, the answer reveals something vulnerable beneath the agitation.
Step 4: Offer Reassurance
Speak to the anxious part of yourself the way you'd speak to a frightened child. "I hear you. I understand you're scared. We're safe right now."
Step 5: Choose Your Response
From this calmer, more curious place, you can make conscious choices. You respond rather than react.
What Changes Over Time
- **Reduced intensity.** When anxiety isn't amplified by resistance, it often naturally decreases.
- **Greater self-knowledge.** The messages beneath anxiety reveal important truths about our needs and boundaries.
- **More resilience.** Instead of being destabilized, we learn to hold it alongside other experiences.
- **Deeper compassion.** Understanding our own anxiety makes us more compassionate toward others.
When to Seek Additional Support
Befriending anxiety is a powerful practice, but it's not a substitute for professional help when anxiety is severe or debilitating.
The Invitation
The next time anxiety visits, try pausing before you push it away. Take a breath. Get curious. Listen.
You might discover that your anxiety, far from being your enemy, has been trying to be your ally all along.